just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
