and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
