Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
