me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
