He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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