i just made my gag reflex go away.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
