And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
