Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
