the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
