she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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