Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize