She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
