U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
