We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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