Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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