i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
