So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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