then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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