I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
