I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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