I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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