I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
