No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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