I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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