Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
