She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
