My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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