yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
