Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
