i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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