I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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