I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize