yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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