Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
