you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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