Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
