I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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