Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
