I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
