what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
