My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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