his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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