I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
