I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
