Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
