it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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