How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this just has baby written all over it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
