She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I deserve this hangover.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize