is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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