I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize