you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
