Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
