His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I understand Curling. That high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
