I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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