Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
