Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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