woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
