no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
