Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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