someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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