i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
