I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
