Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize