Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
