OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
