So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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