I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
