when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
