I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
