hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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