Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
