I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
