I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
