I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize