sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize