I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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