I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
