She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
