he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
