I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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