Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
