i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
