my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
