I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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