Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just wanna soil my oats bro
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
