My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize