He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
