My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
