I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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