Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
